Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it. I do have a test today, that wasn’t bull-s—t. It’s on European socialism. I mean really, what’s the point. I’m not European. I don’t plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they’re socialists. They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn’t change the fact that I don’t own a car. (Singing in shower) It’s not that I condone fascism or any ‘ism’ for that matter. Ism’s, in my opinion, are not good. A person should not believe in an ‘ism,’ he should believe in himself. I quote John Lesson: ‘I don’t believe in Beatles. I just believe in me.’ A good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I’d still have to bum rides off of people.
Everything. OK! I’ll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I played Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog… When my Mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch, I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out. But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And t-t-then, this was horrible, all the people started gettin’ sick and throwin’ up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.